Struggling to move on..

[bringstheheat]

Grief counseling was a ridiculous idea. Even back in juvie Mick had just stared down the overworked counselors, the ones that tried to reach him before writing him off as a pyromaniac and a brute.

But Mick is seeing his dead partner everywhere and if he doesn't figure something out soon he's going to break. All he's been doing is marking time since the Oculus, since he woke up to find out that his partner (his lover, his whole everfucking world) was dead. He'd left him behind and Mick didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

Sara is worried that he's suicidal, a thought he openly scoffs at.

He'd made a promise to Snart a long time ago that he wouldn't take that way out and dead partner or no, it's a promise he means to keep.

So he hangs back, he doesn't say much or look around until the kid walks in. Ramon. Part of the team that Flash had assembled to stop the Dominators. Huh. Small world, right?

Comments

[bringstheheat]

Okay that bouncing foot is going to get on his nerves, but Mick shoves that aside for now. Ramon is asking him legitimate questions, like what's happening to him matters. Like he matters.

"Happens when I'm alone," he fiddles idly with the edge of the menu. "Pop out of a doorway, show up leaning against the wall or sitting at a table but never when anyone else is there."

It's the question that gives him genuine pause and Mick knows the answer. His eyes fall to the table, unable to look Ramon in the eye even as he admits the truth. Yes. "I ain't gonna fight it when it comes." His jaw twitches. "Made Len a promise a long time ago that I wouldn't just check out."

"But I'm running out of reasons to stick to it."

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco watches the way he fidgets and, dammit if that isn't painfully familiar behavior however small and insignificant it might be. That answer doesn't make him feel like he can turn any further away from the idea that maybe it's just in Mick's head, unfortunately, but Cisco's nothing if not an odd well of hope for all his skepticism and cynicism, so he won't let go of it yet. "The things he says... is it stuff he'd really say? Or-- maybe more like things you'd wanna hear him say?"

That answer is enough to make Cisco freeze completely, bouncing foot included. It's something that hits, hard. It's easy to cast a guy like Mick off as some emotionless brute, and maybe once Cisco might have, but this...kind of makes him think that notion couldn't possibly be more wrong. He's quiet for a long time, staring down at his own fingers twisting together because he doesn't even know what to say. All of the platitudes in the world wouldn't make that feeling go away.

A frown twitches across his forehead and he looks up again, "Is it-- do you...blame yourself for it? Are you losing the will to fight it because...you think you deserve it?" Cisco still doesn't even actually know what happened, the circumstances around Snart's death weren't details he felt okay asking about.

[bringstheheat]

Mick isn't sure why Ramon is even pursuing this. What else could it possibly be but something finally shorting out in his head? One too many trips to the Induction Chamber or one too many knocks to the head finally shaking something loose? But he's trying. He's listening and that puts him in some pretty rare damn company. "No. It's what he'd say, I think. Giving me shit, pushing me to do something." That was how Snart operated - pushing all the right buttons until he got the reaction he wanted.

Good. Mick answers the question honestly and while Cisco goes quiet and still he doesn't immediately object or spew out those vague platitudes that you'd hear at one of those grief counseling groups.

He swallows, forcing his eyes back up. "Because it should have been me. We were taking on the Time Masters themselves, in a place outside of time. Only way to destroy their control on the timeline was to hold down a kill switch until it blew."

"I wanted payback for what they did to me. For what they did to me an Len. I was ready and that bastard came back for me. Snart knocked me out and took my place." Mick sucks in a breath. "It was like I said. I lost everything that day and now all I got to show for it is a ring."

[thisismadfreaky]

Don't worry, Mick, Cisco isn't entirely certain about it all himself, but it is what it is by now. He's here, he's not gonna turn away from it now. Well, it certainly sounds like the way Leonard always operated-- he was a button pusher through and through.

Before he addresses that, though, and the line of thought he has to go along with it, he listens to the explanation about what happened. And even if parts of it only make a little bit of sense--because like hell he knew what the hell Mick and his team were doing other than it sounded a lot like they were Time Lords if he was following correctly--he can get the general gist well enough.

For starters: Yup. It's a massively guilt-driven feeling and he doesn't know how to help him with that, given the circumstances. "Okay, wait--" He hods up a hand, "this place you were in, it was like...completely void of time? Outside of any timeline that could ever possibly exist, right? But-- how did you get there? How did you leave? What happened when-- when...it happened? I mean, what were you destroying, exactly?" Yeah, he might be getting a little nerd rambly, but you might be able to appreciate it more once he works out the kinks in this thought process, Mick, so just go with it.

[bringstheheat]

He's a nerd, so of course there are going to be questions. Questions that Mick answers easily, drawing on lifetimes lived at the Vanishing Point. Temporal mechanics, physics, explaining the nature of the Oculus Wellspring with exacting detail. He's not sure where Ramon is going with it, so in-between ordering a mountain of food, Mick talks.

"They jumped away in the time ship, just before the explosion, before the overload caused a cascade failure and destroyed the Oculus entirely. The explosion that took him."

Mick holds up a hand. "Ask how I know all that another time. Not now." And it's a profound show of growing trust that Mick even considers telling Ramon about his life as Chronos.

One trauma at a time.

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco isn't sure when Mick would have had the time or interest to learn so much about temporal mechanics and the rest, but he's rather clearly impressed with the details he's getting. Before he can even bother asking about it, though, Mick deters him from it. "Fair enough," he shrugs. The how's are less important right now anyway.

"So, this-- Oculus thing...it was basically the embodiment of every potential timeline, right? Predicted an infinite amount of possible outcomes. What if... what if destroying it did something unpredictable? I mean, you destroyed the device, right, but, it stored all this temporal energy, and how can you actually destroy time itself? I mean, if you did, how are we even here to have this conversation? I mean, if you actually destroyed it completely...shouldn't nothing exist?"

But he's getting awfully theoretical, here, and that's getting him off track. He shakes his head, "My point is, what if it's not just in your head? You don't know that it isn't, because no one else has been around to confirm or deny it, right? So...what if destroying it got Snart stuck in some kind of multiverse-timeline limbo?" 'What if he isn't dead?' not that Cisco dares to phrase it like that out loud.

[bringstheheat]

Ramon doesn't press the issue of the Oculus or how Mick understands time and for that he's grateful.

"It didn't destroy time, you can't do that. It destroyed the mechanism that.." he trails off, finally catching up with what Cisco is driving at and for a moment Mick's world goes entirely, utterly still and for a moment it's impossible to even breathe.

He can't cling to hope. Not yet, anyway. Hope is fragile and easily shattered.

"You think he's still out there?" A beat later his eyes flick to the unoccupied booth just behind Cisco where Snart is currently lounging without a care in the damn world.

[thisismadfreaky]

The second Mick caught onto what he was saying, Cisco's breath caught in his throat. Because there was that look, that cautious one that was standing somewhere near the edge of hope, but refusing to cross the line and dive headfirst into. He's pretty sure he had worn that look when he asked Barry to go back so he could save his brother that first time.

"I don't know," he shrugs and shakes his head, "I won't make promises I can't keep, but-- I wouldn't say it was impossible. I mean...given everything we..." He glances over his shoulder to see where Mick is staring, distracted. As he turns back toward the older man again, there's a flicker of blue at the corner of his vision, but a subtle glance back shows nothing. "everything we know about how weird timelines and time in general can be." he finally finishes his earlier interrupted thought.

[bringstheheat]

Snart isn't saying anything this time. No snarky remarks about Ramon or Team Flash. He's just.. watching. Waiting for something.

Mick tears his attention back to Cisco as he talks, careful not to give him too much hope and he appreciates that care. "So how do we find out for sure? I've got a ship but it ain't like we can just go cruising through the time stream and hope we hit on something."

He's been a lot of things in his life. The middle and often ignored child, arsonist, killer, criminal and later a temporal bounty hunter and quasi-legend. But Mick has never been a planner. Snart had always been the one with the plan. Even with the knowledge that something might be out there - he isn't certain where to start.

And then there's Cisco. Reaching out when he didn't have to, offering to help even though his presence at a grief counseling group is a pretty clear indication he's struggling with something on his own.

"You know, I ain't good at this," he says slowly, eyes on his coffee. "Sharing has never been something I'm good at. But if I can help, or just kick the hell outta someone.."

Not that he expects Cisco to take him up on it, to either cry on his shoulder (dear Christ he hopes he won't) or point him at someone to beat up, even though it'd feel good.

He does have access to a time ship though..

[thisismadfreaky]

"I don't know," he admits, fumbling for all the honesty in that statement. He has no clue where to even start in figuring all this out, but if he is out there, stuck somewhere in some weird inbetween space, they'd have to be able to find him...right? "But I can try to figure something out." He pauses staring at this hands on the tabletop, fidgeting a little, frown creasing across his forehead as he looks up at Mick again. "Can I even contact you, when you're out there? If I found something, I mean...can I even let you know?"

He smiles, small and edging a little more toward a smirk than a genuine smile. "I'll keep that in mind." He knows it's awkward for Mick to even offer something like that, and he appreciates it for all it's worth, whether he ever follows him up on it or not.

[bringstheheat]

"Sure. Can modify a signal to reach into the temporal zone." Something Chronos had learned with the Time Masters - modifying communications devices in the event of his own equipment failing. "Give you a line right into Gideon."

As much as Mick wants to hold on to hope, to think that maybe Ramon can figure out what he hadn't been able to, he won't. He can't. And Ramon was at least honest enough to say he'll keep it in mind rather than dismissing the thought that Mick could honestly help him.

If Cisco calls, Mick will come. Whether it's word about Snart or he needs something. The rest of the team can wait.

[thisismadfreaky]

"Perfect," He doesn't even bother asking how Mick knows how to do something like that. Snart may have been, by all accounts, the "brains" of the operation between the two of them, but Mick is hardly an idiot. "Then I'll look into it, see if I can figure anything out, and...if I do, I'll give you call." He'd be the first to know.

"Do you have anything of his...that you could leave here with me?" The question feels sharp and touchy to even ask, but if he could vibe something from one of Leonard's belongings, it may go a long way into getting answers.

He refuses to give him false hope, because it could all lead to nothing in the end. So, he's honest in his intentions-- that he'll try-- but he doesn't insult him by promising anything he can't be relatively sure he can achieve.

But for Mick's sake? He kind of hopes he can.

[bringstheheat]

"Can have something made up and modified by tomorrow," he confirms with a nod. It won't take him long once he gets back to the Waverider and his equipment. "Bring it by STAR Labs before we take off."

The second question has Mick's eyes snapping up from the table to regard Cisco curiously for a moment. He's not the type to ask for things without reason. "Cold gun's gone. But yeah. I got some things."

After a moment he draws in a breath, pulling a silver chain from around his neck. Hanging from the chain was a small, silver ring. "You can use this. Just.. make sure I get it back."

From his silent post at the other table, Leonard sits up suddenly, watching Mick hand over the ring.

"He left that with me. Right before the end."

[thisismadfreaky]

"Sounds good." He nods a little. At least it'll give him a direct line to Mick if anything comes up.

That snap up in his direction has Cisco's shoulders stiffening a little. That gaze is a little more reminiscent of what he's come to know and expect from Mick in the past, but it eases the slightest bit. He watches curiously as Mick tugs a chain with a silver ring hanging on the end of it from around his neck.

Okay, he doesn't know a ton about Mick and Leonard's history, but there's little that says that's not one of the literal most important pieces of what Mick's got left.

He takes the necklace carefully and studies it curiously for a moment before looking back at Mick. "You will. That I can promise." He won't let anything happen to it.

[bringstheheat]

Mick doesn't mind when Cisco goes stiff. He's been a criminal for most of his life and the kid would be crazy to completely let down his guard this soon, no matter what progress they'd made.

The ring, apart from a pair of jackets back on the ship, is all that he has left of his partner. As a rule Len traveled and lived lightly - anything that couldn't be stowed in a go bag was discarded or left behind. Things of sentimental value were never kept. Except for that ring.

"I trust you with it." With both the ring, and his promise. Ramon wasn't just telling him what he wanted to hear - if he said he'd look into it, he would.

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco is more than little shocked to hear that. Because what reason does he have to extend that trust to him, really? And because something that big was definitely not handed out so easily by a guy like Mick.

"I won't make you regret that." That much he could be certain of. One way or another, he'd figure something out, find some way to give Mick an answer and gain some closure.

[bringstheheat]

The reason was simple. Ramon had every reason to hate him, to mistrust him for what he'd been a part of when he and Snart had kidnapped him and his brother. But he didn't. He listened to him. Looked at him like he was a human. He didn't snort at his pain or wonder if that was something he'd even be capable of.

Besides. If he was at a grief counseling group, Cisco knew something about loss.

"I know you won't."